Confessions of a Leader: Tapping in to your inner-narcissist
We all possess traces of narcissism in our personalities. It’s what’s helped us survive all these years, ensuring our evolution. But too much can be destructive and too little can make us ineffective. So how do we incorporate the perfect amount of narcissism in our leadership style?
I’m quite certain that most of us would be insulted if called a “narcissist”. After all, the word stems from a guy who was so in love with himself it killed him. It can’t be a good thing, right? But then again, think of some of the greatest leaders of our time. Think of the leaders whose books you read, whose TED Talks you watch, whose blogs you follow and whose advice you try to live by. To get where they are today, my guess is that they had to tap in to their inner-narcissist in order to achieve their goals.
Narcissism has both up sides and down sides. Too much is dangerous and too little can make you ineffective. Most great leaders have found the perfect balance, I believe. They have understood this quality about themselves and learned how to wield it to their advantage. The idea of the “productive narcissist” seems to have been coined by Michael Maccoby, Ph.D. He says that we look to productive narcissists “in times of transition because they have the audacity to push through massive transformations…” Narcissists can be highly effective leaders because they typically have a vision, they are highly motivated and they have the ability to inspire people. So how can we tap into our inner-narcissist and uncover this perfect recipe for leadership? I’ve developed a few tips that have helped me avoid some pitfalls as well as be more effective. Here’s what I’ve learned along the way.
Embrace feedback
Whether from a mentor, a colleague or a boss, feedback is your friend. It keeps you in check, helps you stay balanced and provides you with much needed support and guidance in your leadership. Don’t be afraid to ask the real, open questions (how, why) and to be curious about yourself.
Take time to self-reflect
It’s easy to get so caught up in your goals or ambitions that you don’t take the time to think. Step out onto the balcony and think about yourself, your personality, your behavior. What’s working and what isn’t working? Being able to internally reflect is crucial to positive leadership and making that narcissism work for you not against you.
Think of others
Don’t forget the people who are with you on your journey, after all it is not about you it is about them. You’re not a leader if you have no one to lead, where there are no followers there is no leader. How will your decisions impact the people around you ?
There are no shortcuts
When you’re driven by a dream or high ambitions, it’s tempting to take the easy way rather than the right way. But true leadership doesn’t come easy and it doesn’t come quickly. Doing the right thing will always be key for real leaders.
Stay true to yourself
Don’t forget what got you started in the first place. Your journey isn’t about building your ego but rather it’s about building something. This is often easier to do if you keep yourself surrounded by people who you trust. You need people around you to help keep that inner-narcissist productive rather than destructive.